Transgressions

Well, I'm not sure what or where to start, since the last blog post has happened well over a month ago... so I'll start at an arbitrary date within the past few weeks and work from there.

*cracks knuckles*
Alright, randomly during the winter break (aka Christmas) I decided to start going back onto Second Life and screw around with random friends and whatnot. When I got there I noted how a majority of my friends had disappeared... So I decided to get a fellow Deviant Artist to come online with me to make it more fun for the both of us. She somehow managed to get a furry avie almost immediately as well as a boyfriend. Thats just lovely, isn't it? :)

I was just messing around with a few of my friends when I randomly met this lovely girl. It was only later (about a week) that we talked in depth; I was going absolutely OCD- cleaning my room to the point of absolute cleanliness. I'm not sure what she saw in me... certainly I wasn't at my best at the time, but we eventually started seeing each other and went out on a few dates. We're still together nearly 2 months later, and I couldn't be happier :)

Now, for those who don't know, I generally play various video games as a female character. I refuse to give any weak arguments here, and my primary reason why I do so will be explained momentarily. I play on Second Life much similarly, only a few times being male and then slowly regressing back into female avatars. Its quite interesting, really. I would, as some of you all know, be able to keep up a feminine-esque conversation while in my female avatar, so it was no big deal.

Randomly, after becoming bored with most of the places that I've visited thus far in Second Life, decided some 3 weeks ago to see if there is a Transgenders place on Second Life. Sure enough there was, and I began to chat with the people and thoroughly enjoyed it. My weak excuse at the time was that I felt that I supported them, but nothing more. Now I know that I was wrong.

Truth is that I've been somewhat hiding my idea that I would much rather be a girl than a lame guy for little over 10+ years. I hid it pretty well under attempts at overly masculine roles and facial hair... none of which I really wanted nor really enjoyed- hence my recent bout of depression. I realize, all of this, by taking my herbal anti-depressants that I had have these feelings for oh so many years. I had in fact researched how to change my sex ages ago, but more or less tried to ignore it. It resurfaced, and I'm now ready to accept it.

Anyway, I met a bunch of people at the Transgender Resource Center... and I claimed to be 'on the fence' about the issue. Told them all about myself to which they responded with everything I could want to know about them... even my questions were answered with great care and to they're fullest. I love the LGBT community- truly my favorite group of people on the planet :)

So, I thought I 'd ought to talk to my psychologist about these reoccurring thoughts about gender, to which she agreed that it was something that should continue to be explored by our weekly meetings. I was happier than a clam because there, without a doubt, was definitive proof that something was going to finally be done about my transsexualism ^_^. Just after I left from seeing her, I went to the sammich shop on campus, the lady called upon me "Is there anything I can get you ma'am?" I blushed. She was actually talking to the girl behind me, but that experience was just awesome ;D

Without a doubt that week was the best week ever, since I got something off my chest. Sure, I haven't elaborated to full detail about my logical connection as to why I think I am transsexual, but I feel that its none of your business and more business for me :)  So long as I think this way, what do I care about people saying that I'm not?

Also, this week I believe I'm sick... but I'm still optimistic! :D
Oh, and I broke my bike key in my bike lock, so I'm going to have to get a pair of bolt cutters and not look suspicious >.>

If you are one of the few people who actually know me physically, please have some respect for me and don't disclose this information with others without my consent. Thank you.

Pre Turkey Day

Well I have an interesting story.

For a while my computer has been on the verge of death- its power cord refused to work until you wiggled it a little bit, and it was all around slower then hell. About three weeks ago my computer refused to go on the internet, so I would turn it off and reboot it each time because it was so impossible to actually get it to get on the internets without doing that. Anyway, it eventually wouldn't get past the boot menu, so I decided to do a system and hard drive check. It was an automatic thing, so I let it be. I thought it froze, so I just turned it off.

Bad idea.

It didn't even have a boot menu after that. So, after a few weeks me and my roommate got Ubuntu up onto a flashdrive and launched my computer up from there. the only problem was that it wasn't actually installing. So we did a memory check. Half way through that I bumped it off of a table. It crashed on the ground and just wouldn't turn on anymore. I eventually sent it off to my dad's computer shop, where they said it was FUBAR, and just last weekend my parents helped me get a new computer, which is what I am typing on now.

My Turkey Day was alright. Me and my parents just made some turkey and such by ourselves and had a good dinner and some left-overs. I spent almost the entire time working on a variety of papers and such... and spent pretty little time enjoying myself. I have finals coming up soon and the papers (an 8 page and a 15 page) are both due within the next week... gotta get working.

Broken links everywhere!

Hello everyone,
Most of you know already, or will know shortly, that my computer has ceased to be. Quite unfortunate really, but there was no important data that was lost. Luckily I was able to save all of my important short stories, art, and whatever onto my 8GB Flashdrive. Everything was wiped off my computer. Suprisingly I am upbeat about all of this, so there is really no problem. Personally I am tired of windows, since it crashes so frequently with me... So hello Lunix! My roommate should get me Ubuntu (Lunix) shortly :)

In other news, I've started work on a new comic idea which should be fun for all. Its about a girl named Kalaki but prefers to go by Devan, as she roams around ancient India upon her chariot and white horse. This story will be roughly based off of a Hundu Purana called 'Kalki Purana'. In this story the main hero will be born in an unknown city during a time where confusion and corruption reign before waging war upon Kali. Long story short, Kalki has two children which aid him with a battle against what is believed by modern scholars to be Communist China, which has an army 20 million strong. He defeats Kali, lives for another 1000 years before dying. He splits up land to various rulers, teaching them and their populous the ways of good and god. Overall this should be an interesting venture for me and you all. I'm really looking forward to writing this story :D

I cannot think of anything else to say except that I hope I'm able to get this story going soon ^_^

Fall break

Hey everyone, I thought I should share my week with you guys. Its nothing special really, I just feel that I should comment on some things. Since most of my weeks this semester have been just bleh and my blogs have been just complaints, it will be good to have one thats not.

I am getting better since last week, my medication seemed to work well enough. One thing I hate about this medication was that I got sick because I was taking it. For a while I couldn't figure out why, but just before I ran out of this medication I noticed a tiny warning on one side of the bottle. "If this medication upsets your stomach, take it with crackers, bread or a small meal". I litterally face palmed. I had been taking this medication after breakfast, not before. All that discomfort for something I overlooked. Oh well, its not that big of a deal. I'm feeling fine now.

Anyway, this week I've seen how germaphobic I could get. Its a little unsettling at times. I have to wash my hands whenever I touch anything thats not sanitary. Perhaps I should talk to my counselor about that problem...

This week I was finishing my art project, which I call 'Banana Men'. This piece is supposed to say something about individuality in society, but people seem to think it was also about erectile dysfunction. Overall this piece was overly sexual, moreso than I really wanted it to be. I figured out the fake banana that I used was sexual when I started rubbing Vaseline on it just so that the plaster wouldn't stick. When the plaster bandage shell was finished, I just slapped scrap plaster onto it to look unfinished. To be honest my banana men look very good- Professor Almond announced that I had a knack for this kind of art. I was really proud. I had fun with this project, and first I thought that this project was not going to turn out well... boy was I wrong!

Other students in my class also did fantastic pieces of art. One made a set of drawers balanced on top of eachother and filled with socks to also comment about individuality. Another was about how nobody is perfect. Most were surrealist.

There is this girl in my class, Anne, whom had a piece about war, violence, and how fighting only muddies up ideas. Her depiction of this was a bunch of plastic army men melted and disfigured while they fight on books. I took pictures the entire class's different art pieces, and sent them to their respective creators. I sent Anne her art pictures, but I haven't gotten a response from her yet, unfortunately. I was partially hoping that she'd get back to me before this Fall break was over, so we could go out to dinner or something, but no such luck.

Regardless, I have a 5 day weekend where I can basically doing nothing. I am supposed to read reviews for a book that I have to write a 15 page review for. The book is "The Five Mountains"- my Zen Buddhism teacher assures me its boring -I believe him. I'm putting off this reading for the time being... after all I have 8 weeks to write and complete it.

In other news I have been using http://bookblog.net/gender/genie.php to make this blog post overly female. To explain this a bit better, the program on that website takes text and sees which gender the author could possibly be. One of my female friends has overly male-sounding blogs, so its not exactly perfect. My blog posts (with the exception of this one) have been male, but only by a few points. I literally went out of my way to make this post sound overly feminine when you copy and paste it into the box. Seriously, try it ;D

I got this post to 931 Female, 320 Male ^w^

Well, I hope you all have fun with that website, it sure occupied me until dinner... now if you will excuse me, I am starving!

Banana Men 2

Alright everyone, here is my latest art project- the Banana men! I don't really feel like explaining these things again, so I'll just say look at my last blog.

Basically these plaster moldings that had liquid plaster slapped on it. Well I had to use scrap plaster, which is why there are bits of clay stuck to it- it gives it an almost granite look. It looks unfinished and solid. It looks surreal but real... and I think I found my calling (so says the teacher).

Banana Men

Yeah, I didn't like my last post, so I'm going to make a new one.

I wanna describe my latest art project to you guys. Basically we need to make multiple sculptures and basically have their relation to eachother say something about society and life. I decided to make banana men. Its more or less a cloaked figure with a banana for a head, there will be 3 figures with the banana facing up, and one facing down- basically commenting on conformity in society- but it keeps getting mixed up for a statement on erectile dysfunction.

Anyway, at the dollar store I picked up a squirt bottle and some plaster at a craft store. I also picked up a fake banana. I put clay on the bottle so that it looked like the bottom half of a cloaked figure... and... the banana won't need modification.

So, I was in class today, and it struck me how .... wrong it was that I was putting Vaseline onto the fake banana. Let me explain, in order to not have the plaster stick to the banana, I have to lather it in vaseline... and it just looked weird. Anyway, I just basically plastered these guys up, and I'm like on the 4th and final sculpture :D

Last week kind of sucked, then got a bit nerdy

Yeah, so you all know about how I seriously over exerted myself on Monday last week, but you didn't get to hear about the rest of my week.

Tuesday I wake up with insane pain in my sternum and on either side of my neck... I fear the worst, naturally. I can't remember much of what happened that day, but I decide to make a doctors appointment while being groggy and thirsty (dry throat) for the better part of the day.

Wednesday is another day that I'm not sick but still hurting. The pain in my sternum subsides, but I can't really move my head from side to side due to pain. I made a doctors appointment for the next day at 4.

Thursday is when I had the cold. Runny nose, dizziness, the works. Someone called me around 9 am that day, but I decide to skip my first class of the day, sleeping until 1 pm. Later I find out that the school doctors office actually canceled my doctors appointment, and tells me to go to an off campus clinic, which I eventually do.I wrote my teacher saying that it wasn't my intent to sleep late, and told her about what I assume is enlarged lymph nodes (which is the precursor to things from throat infection to cancer). She sends her regards, and extends the due date for one of my projects. Ok, one class down, all I need to do is do some things in my art class and then go to Japanese.

No biggie. I tell my Sculpture 2 teacher that I'm sick but still willing to work, to which he insists that I go immediately to the doctor, and I did. The doctor gave me a perscription for some antibiotics, musinex, and some nose spray to clear up my nose (Which says "FOR THE NOSE. NON SCENTED SPRAY."... damn you Anosmia.) all of which costs around $40. Guess I won't be eating this week.

Friday I'm a bit better, but there's nothing for me to do... so I do nothing. I'm still a little sick, but I make due and read some things vaugely and play Fallout 3 all day. I also got a demo for a videogame called 'Brutal Legend' which is absolutely hilarious... I have to get it.

Saturday... That day I will not go into great detail with. I just had some fun with friends.

Sunday I woke up late after our little adventure the night before, and nearly was late for my star wars RPG game which happened at 12. I woke up at 12:08. I'll detail what happened with my character if you'd like to see, if not skip ahead.

Just so you know, my character is a bit more stealthy and sly... and prone to being more devious than the other jedi. She was training to be a jedi (she was picked up from a city-world and taken to dantooine) and then kind of got bored being in one place, so she wandered onto a cargo ship and wound up on Tattooine. She's a left handed Duros who is a little proficient in Jedi ways, but is all about stealthiness and doing famous 'quick draws'. She managed to make a living off swoop bikes and made a living in it selling and piloting them. Early on she encounters a slave with a thermodetonater in a bar who is threatening them all with it. My character attempts to reason with the slave, saying he'll be free, but he doesn't listen and instead arms the grenade, to which she shoots the man in the chest (she wanted to hit him in the wrist, but no such luck) and dives for the detonator (disarming it) in one swift move. She took the slave to a doctor, claiming it was her slave, who patched him up. From then on my character has had a thermodetonator and is tempted to use it every chance she can.

Fast forward.

When we ended last week, my character and her party were fighting 3 Sith- 2 aprentances and 1 master. My character is worthless at close range, and got hit a lot. Eventually she got knocked down to 18 health when she tumbled out of combat and into a safe 'meat shield' position behind the rest of her teammates (who had waaay more health than her.). One of the party members survived a hit from force lightning, and managed to hurl one of the apprentices into the other, causing massive damage (he loves that 'move object' thing. He used it once to detonate grenades on soldier's belts and to fling around his lightsaber without even touching it.).

When we start, she (Who's name is Jaan, btw) critical hits one of the Sith apprentices, killing him. The sith girl apprentice gets pissed and hurls me down a flight of stairs, doing 10 damage. I slink away back to the ship, starting it up (she is proficient as a pilot), and tending to her wounds as the rest of the members clean house.

Jaan finally returns to Dantooine after 18 years on another planet (in fact she's not really sure if she has parents or where her home world was, but she assumes it was Tatooine) and begins training somewhat apathetically. Eventually the team follows a lead and ends up going to Kashyyyk (wookie world), where they are ambushed by a Sith battle ship. One of the party members, the telekenetic fighter Kil'em attempts to bluf his way out of our imminent capture but fails. He and Kuddles (a jedi who focuses on firearms rather than lightsabers) is captured. Jaan, Kryst (the tank), Author (the tactician), and the princess hide under the floorboards as the others are taken.

Using the floorboards offensively, the four lift them up just as the guards walk over them, sending all 4 guards flying. During the scuffle, Kryst breaks one of their face mask and kills/maims the others while my character closes the main hatch to the hangar. When the soldiers in the hangar ask whats going on, Jaan uses fools luck- adding some points to her persuasion- and tries to convince the people outside that everything is normal, and they were just fighting off some Whomp Rats. "Really big ones".

The guards don't buy it, inquisitively stating "What the fuck is a Whomp Rat?". The team gets into sith soldier uniforms and take the princess 'hostage'- opening. We claim that it was the princess trying to fool the others in the hangar, but the problem has been dealt with and everything is alright (even though 4 troopers went in but only 3 are coming out...).

Eventually we make it to the detention area where Kil'em and Kuddles have been using their force powers to cause a ruckus with the guards- flinging them up and down the hall. A group of 15 guards just plan to go beat up one, and Jaan quickly follows them (she intended to kill all of them at once, but decided against it). She, Kryst, and Arther are the only 'guards' in the area. Jaan stealthily deals with the officer at the main controls, opens up all cell doors, and frees a group of 5 wookies. She passes them 2 grenades and tell them to cause a ruckus. Alarms go off and the team make way for their ship- Arther instant kills 15 soldiers and one officer. They make it on the ship and are accompanied by their new wookie pals, who help Jaan with the ship and generally keep her company.

They haul ass out of the sector and end up in a city world, where they meet a really depressed taxi man. When they get dropped off, the driver gets into a crash, to which Kil'em and Kryst save the man from plummeting hundreds of feet... but not being very subtle about it. My character stealths into the bar, and isn't seen until later. The team meets an informant who, at first demands money for sensitive information, but ends up claiming the money that they have been giving the man is money to keep the team alive. My character instantly shows up and quickly whips out a gun. It is assumed that Jaan is literally right behind or next to the informant, who becomes seriously frightened of me. He spits out the information and the team leaves the planet.

As it turns out the one who bought the item that we need was in fact our benefactor- a senator from Alderan. We contact him, who asks that we meet him on his homeworld. Kil'em calls in reinforcements and we arrive on the planet. Before this though, it turns out that the princess (who is the senator's daughter) actually has the item with her. Long story short, the team and the senator walk into a room to speak in private- however 20 guards and hand maidens come in with us. It becomes apparent that he is lying. Before we can accuse him of anything, he ushers in 3 sith apprentices and one master, who all confiscate our lightsabers (but not my concealed pistol). Arther attempts to force slam them, but is instantly thrown out of a window into a lake hundreds of meters below. The princess is taken away, much to Kryst's dismay. Everyone complies, and just before we are put onto a transport, a jedi master saves us (thank god for the distraction). My character force disarms the sith closest to her to retrieve her lightsaber back. Unfortunately she is the only one with her lightsaber... all the others are either lost in this battle or were never found again, so all other party members had to make due with sith lightsabers.

The team and the jedi master flee from the planet back to dantooine to make a report. Jaan is dismayed that her Wookie pals are now alone on Alderan, but is hopeful that they will attempt to return to Kashyyyk... hopefully the team will be able to track them down and get Jaan's beloved classy ship back.

And thats where we ended for the week... God I feel nerdy, lol :P

It was an alright week... just no more like it.